Heads-up this might be the most honest thing I’ve written.
In the past few weeks I’ve really upped my meditation game and began reading Eckhart Tolle’s The Power of Now. Tolle’s book is about being totally in the present moment. Focussing on the now and training your mind to move away from thoughts about the past and future.
But today isn’t really about The Power of Now.
See, here’s the thing about telling someone not to think about something … chances are they’ll start thinking about it.
Give it a go. Try not to imagine an elephant.
And thus I’ve been thinking a lot about the past and my mind has gone to some very dark places.
This morning I was consumed by so much negativity, so much self-hatred, so much sadness, and anger that I really didn’t know what to do.
I read articles and books and religious passages and philosophical extracts as I tried to find a way out.
It wasn’t enough.
I didn’t know what options I had left.
If I had any options or anything left.
So I spoke with my wife. Told her about all the pain. All the darkness. All the negativity.
Told her things that I hadn’t told her in almost a decade of our relationship.
Things I hadn’t told anyone.
And she listened.
And she told me things she hadn’t told me in almost a decade of our relationship.
Things she hadn’t told anyone.
And I listened.
Together we have and will continue to help each other navigate through the darkness.
If you have pain and shame and regret and guilt, please do not carry it alone.
However difficult, however much self-hatred is trying to consume you, speak to someone.
Don’t let the darkness win.